We complain, we become hurt, yet we still don’t understand the psychology behind why our relationships fail.
We have all likely read how to make a relationship work. Trust, attention, quality time spent together, consideration and respect. Is it so hard to be all these things for the person you say you so love? Why then do so many relationships fail and are there a set of standard failure reasons? The reason is Psychological Inflexibility.
There are few things in life more important than our overall happiness. How do we build on this happiness, through the quality of your relationships? We need psychological flexibility.
Our partner gets to experience us in ways few people ever do. Not our parents, siblings or friends. Our partner shares our highest achievements, your catastrophes and ordinary moments in between. They have seen us at your best, and they have seen you at our worst. They know all of our faults and imperfections, yet they still choose to love and stay with us just the way we are. The bond we share with our partner is unique. This bond makes us a better and stronger person at least until the relationship grows hostile or argumentative.
The Reason Relationship Fail Too Often
Research tells us the reason many relationships fail to thrive is due to psychological inflexibility. It means that our mind adjusts in maladaptive ways to life challenges. We take short term gains at the cost of long-term pains. We become inflexible to the needs of our self and our partner. We can stop listening, sometimes caring, we get stuck and have no idea how to change things or to think or act differently. Even though we may feel personally miserable, we think it is because of them – but is it really?
Being psychologically inflexible means, you get stuck in your fears, worries, and self-doubts. We then judge our self for having negative or self-defeating thoughts and feelings. We get sucked in by our negative moods, thoughts, and momentary urges, then act in ways detrimental to your well-being and relationship health.
Psychological inflexibility can be a recipe for personal disaster, often causing detrimental disorders of our mental health, causing anxiety through to depression and even addiction.
Can we Change Psychological Inflexibility?
The question is: if a person is psychologically inflexible, how does it affect the relationship with their partner? The answer is rather alarming.
Psychologically inflexible people not only experience more distress and suffering; they also experience discontent in their relationship. They are less satisfied with their sex life and show less emotional support toward their partner and the partner then feels the same. Those who are psychologically inflexible are more likely to act in destructive and abusive ways from yelling, insulting and abusing their partner either emotionally or physically, or both. The results are the partner feeling insecure in the relationship as the once-close bond dissolves.
Psychological inflexibility poisons the relationship. The reason why many relationships fail is that one or both partners is, or becomes, psychologically inflexible. Instead of being present with their partner and themselves, they start to defend any offer of concern or discussion of problems. Rather than engaging in those challenging conversations, they avoid them, often resorting to blame, insults, and yelling. Their relationship becomes lower on their priority scale.
You can change this
Those experiencing Psychological inflexibility can learn to practice flexibility skills. If you want to learn how to change your inflexibility you can learn to become mentally stronger as an individual and also more satisfied and secure inside yourself and your relationship. Studies are examining the effectiveness of learning communication skills to enhance your ability to listen, understand and ask appropriate questions to develop the flexibility we all need.
Psychological flexibility is a set of skills we can all learn. Imagine how wonderful life can become when all conflict, blame and defending is removed. Imagine how amazing life can be when we empower our self to become happier, more informed and with the skills and techniques to dissolve every argument while learning to ask the right questions to guide any conversation into a good solution.
This is where my latest book Communication Harmony comes in. It teaches you quickly how to understand your partner, kids and work colleagues. You learn how to use the three secret power words to eliminate all conflict from every conversation and guide the outcome you want so everyone agrees and is on the same page, even if they don’t realise it.
The skills and techniques within the book are informative and life changing. You owe it to yourself to grab a copy, have a read and start using the techniques immediately because you are worth it, aren’t you?