Why is it that so many couples are unable to agree on things to do together?

I am continually saddened to see couples from their 40’s plus in distress because either him or her want to ‘do things’ in their free time or even when they plan to retire.

One partner may want to trek, ride a camel, go white water rafting, parachute, anything that takes some effort or energy. What then happens when their partner has allowed their body to become overweight, lazy and unhealthy. It is not an appearance thing for many; it is a health and lifestyle thing.

One partner may want to keep living a full active life, love their partner and want them to do these things together but what if the partner is unable to because of their choice of lifestyle. Is this grounds to separate?

Many people experience an illness or accident preventing them from undertaking many physical or fun activities, however, this is not of their doing. I am speaking about those people, couples, that live together and want to enjoy life yet are unable to with their partner due to self-inflicted reasons. One partner may be concerned about the health of their partner, fearful of them not being around forever and being able to grow old together.

Some would argue that it is the right of every human being to decide on what they want, how they want to live and what they choose to do. The problem is when this disparity is in the relationship, the connection can begin to experience trouble.

This seems to becoming more of an issue than a decade ago, and I’m not sure why. Perhaps it is because we are more informed of things available, the travel shows have introduced us to a menagerie of activities to do and places to go. Travel is more affordable now then ever before, as our travel numbers reflect. How then do we come to a decision, so both partners are happy?

There are a few tips to resolve this issue so both are at least reasonably happy even if they can’t get exactly what they want.

  1. Plan at least 6 – 12 months ahead so both partners can achieve the health, size or fitness level they need
  2. One partner can do a trip without the other if the other person is not interested or unable to manage
  3. Decide on priorities – if your partner has a desire to travel and do things with you and you are happy with this, make a choice and adjust your lifestyle
  4. Make a decision on how you want your life to proceed. Slowly, unexciting, fun, active – we are all different; there is not right or wrong
  5. Set a plan to understand and achieve what you want

We are so different. Different goals, priorities, desires, likes dislikes. The one thing is to be mindful of the partner you are sharing your life with. If one person wants or desires to do something with their other half, consider this request. It may not matter so much if you want to jump through hoops to do it, being important to your partner is enough. Same for each person; if one really wants to do something either active or simply just relaxing, then the active partner needs to slow a touch and also share this.

A relationship or marriage is a partnership, and both people are considered equally.


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