I have so many people come into Counselling also wanting Hypnotherapy to enable them to drop their guard after a failed relationship.
They believe they are preventing themselves allowing another person to become close to them.
Their friends have told them to drop their guard to allow others to enter into their personal world so they can start another relationship. I suggest they keep their guard up regardless of their many friends and family telling them they need to lower it to find intimacy and love again. The reason we place up a guard is for self-protection.
When we have been hurt we are fearful someone will hurt us again so we place up our guard, or our wall, to prevent this reoccurring. We then believe we need to lower it to find that next special someone.
Spending some time working out what essential criteria you need in a future partner can be quite time consuming yet it is essential to ensure you choose wiser than you may have before. None of us want yet another failed relationship however many of us seem to proceed from one to another over the years, without understanding the reason we do this.
We simply believe we chose badly and have no idea how to adjust this cycle. When I ask the person hurt from their recently ended relaiotnship what it is they want and need in a future partner, the common answer is “I just want someone to be happy with”. This is when we actually start working in the session.
I spend time with the client working on what ‘happy’ actually means to them and what it is they require in any future partner or relationship. Once we can obtain a clear picture in our mind, set our criteria, we can only then start moving forward to find these qualities inaperson. No one wants another hurtful end to a failed relationship.
Why not ensure you do not have to experience this again. Keep your guard up, set your criteria, and when you spend time with this new person, work through all the areas you need and if your criteria is met, only then do you start to drop your guard to allow them into your heart.
There are a few points to consider when critiquing a person for a future relationship:
- What is their family of origin like the more similar to your own often the better the outcome
- Do they have a good relationship with their parents, kids and family members if not there may be a reason and it may be the person you are with
- What is the behaviour of their parents like as this is what has affected your partner to become the way they are
- Does this person allow you to have an opinion of your own and voice that opinion, even if it differs from their opinion
- Is equity something important to them in a relationship as any successful relationship is build on equality
- Have they ever cheated this is always a red flag, so beware
- Is this person interested in what you do, what you are interested in and your feelings on a range of topics and subjects
This is just a small start of things you need to consider with any new relationship.
When we have found that person that satisfies your criteria, your guard will come down slowly, as it should. Do not be in any hurry to allow that person into your personal place until you are confident they deserve to be there.
The best way to ensure they do deserve this opportunity is to critique them, ask them questions, meet their family and friends, discuss issues and talk about work and topics in the news. Only when we can start to feel confident and comfortable with them, only when you can be assured the feeling isnt only lust but respectful love, should you lower your protective guard. So I say, hang onto your guard and be selective whom you lower it for.
When the right person does come along you will know and that guard can be lowered, even though it may remain slightly present, just as a protection device.
You can obtain your FREE eBook called Designer Man with 40 essential criteria to start every woman off with that list of necessary criteria they need in their man.
Once we set our criteria and know what it is we want and need in a partner can we find it. If we do not set that clear goal or defined criteria we just meander along hoping, and this is where so many people have difficulty.
We can be with a person for two years before many of their full personality becomes open and clear to us, then if we decide we do not like what we see or hear we move on but two years is a long time when you are looking for lifetime happiness.
I suggest you cut out much of the wasted time, set your criteria, ask relevant question, know what to look for and go from there. This way you can determine much faster if this person does in fact satisfy the requirements you personally need in a future partner.
